I got it…I know what degree I’m going to focus on. I’m not sure where it will lead me but what I am sure about is that this is the answer I have been seeking…it is the first step in a journey where at the present moment only God can see the destination. He will fill in the blanks as I press forward in faith. I will earn a degree in ENGLISH!!! Wow…I could cry just saying/writing/thinking that…it’s so clear…the fog has dissipated and I can “see things as they really are”. It is so obvious to me right now that I could smack myself for not even considering it. I was too focused on searching out a ‘vocationally oriented degree’. I was too interested in the bottom line… I would ask myself “What job can I get with (X) degree and what is the financial payoff?”

That is the WRONG solution for me and that is why I could not draw a conclusion sufficient enough to move me to action.

Another WRONG solution for me was considering degrees that would build upon my weaknesses. For some reason I had a false impression that if I didn’t get a degree in something that I am weak at ***mathematics*** (for example), then my educational pursuits would be a waste. In the back of my mind I would ask, “If I am already above average in field X, then why dish out all those tuition fees if I can simply improve upon field X in my own time?” Obviously a foolish question, but it existed.

On the flip side, if I earn a degree in mathematics (which is not beyond the realm of possibility) I would be less fulfilled because I would be “forcing love”. In the game of chess a knight is strong for being a knight…a bishop for being a bishop…a pawn for being a pawn and so forth. If they try to play each others role then the game would not function. The beautiful intricacy and tension between squares and pieces would be void. So it is in life. Our part in society is best served when we abide by the rules which govern the chess piece that we were MEANT to be ~ metaphorically speaking of course.

I have ALWAYS known who and what I am. I have also known what I am not. I am not a cop a doctor or a lawyer. I am not a scientist or an athlete. My struggle has been taking what I am and trying to determine what field best represents that. I am not opposed to serving in the aforementioned capacities and some of those are real possibilities while serving in the military. My point is that I need to aim at something beyond the horizon. And while I have always aimed at that, I didn’t quite know how to go about it. I still don’t know ALL the answers but I do know the NEXT answer. I DO know the first step and I received it from HEAVEN. The answer has always been there but the Lord was merciful enough to let me see it.

There are many more thoughts regarding the specifics of the degree and what I can do with it along with how and can couple it with my other passions and talents. This must suffice for now as I am at work and need to get back to the present tasks at hand.

I appreciate my good friends and family members who have prayed for me in this matter and have offered good advice. I am especially thankful for a special wife who was/is patient enough to watch me from the sidelines and let me figure this out for myself. So often I wanted her to say “BE A (insert profession here)” and I would have gone to the moon and back at her command. I would have become whatever she asked me to be. I would have been the best at it too, if only she asked. Nevertheless, she knew that there is something specific for me and her desires may have crippled a heavenly designed future. She knew that this could only be discovered by praying with full purpose of heart and by waiting patiently upon the Lord. Thank you Kim for letting me do this! What a rewarding struggle this has been!

While driving I reached back to tickle Azure’s feet.

“Daddy, you’re strong.” Azi

“Why do you say that?” Daddy

“You have big muscles nubbles” Azi

That pit bull was in our front yard this morning and i banged on the front screen door to scare him away and then two minutes later i heard him barking right at our back side door. YES he can get into our backyard. I called 911 and they put me through to animal control. they said they’d send someone out when they could but by the time i got off the phone the dog had slipped back into our backyard and down the hill to the ravine. i would have shot him today if i had a gun. i’m scared to go out to the car with the girls…i definitely need that pepper spray right now!!

CORN ROCKET from corey nasfell on Vimeo.

Skyla_Corn from corey nasfell on Vimeo.

Hello love,
I received your letter. I wish I had ample time to write all that has been happening since our last conversation. First, I’ll briefly address your concern over “drifting apart”.

I am sorry you feel this drifting. As befuddling as it may sound, I feel closer to you now than I ever have. So often I think of you and say to myself “Oh, Momz would love this” or “I wish Mom was here to see this!”. I envision our future together and how I will be able to help you in your sunset years. Perhaps not having a husband at this stage of your life amplifies the challenges such as living on separate coasts. Regardless of what you may be feeling just know that a coast or an ocean cannot divide my love and care for you.

Regarding my blog post. I just reread that post for the first time since I wrote it. I observed human weakness throughout each paragraph. I could have hurt many feelings by the things which I wrote. Keep in mind that I do not write to slander anyone’s character nor do I seek to puff them up. While my blog is “public” it is still a journal (as indicated by the header “my life ~ my thoughts ~ my faith ~ my art ~ my world”) …and therefore viewer discretion is advised. I don’t feel like I need to place a warning at the top of every blog post if I share my thoughts or negative experiences with any particular person…nor should one have to do that on a handwritten journal. Just because I have the capability to read your journal doesn’t mean I would without your express permission. I am not saying don’t read my blog…I am saying that it is a “matter of fact” journal and not everything is going to be pleasant.

Furthermore, if your posterity were to develop an accurate understanding of your character and life I’m sure you would expect them to read your entire journal not just one paragraph written in a moment of weakness. So it is with my love for you. You read one paragraph written at a difficult time of my life. However, if you were to read all of my journals and highlight everything I’ve ever written about you; you would CLEARLY see that the good FAR OUTWEIGHS the bad. You would CLEARLY see that all the good in my life can be traced back to you and your efforts to raise me properly. You would CLEARLY see that I have not drifted from you.

In 1 Nephi Ch5 the chapter heading reads, “SARIAH COMPLAINS AGAINST LEHI” Really? You mean that these Latter-Day Saints who preach so much about the family have this Book of Scripture where the Prophet’s wife complains against him? Was Sariah angry at Nephi for engraving this on gold plates which were to be left behind for the entire world to read!? If Nephi lived in the digital age would he have left this blog post on “private”? Of course not. Why? Because there is so much more to the story. Sure this is a great point for anti-Mormon writers to bash us with but the humble continue reading, learning, hungering, thirsting and mining for spiritual truths. They want the whole story and they want to use these “mortal” experiences of the past to place themselves properly in the present. So it is with us and my blog post. Perhaps you’ll have a great grandchild who gets caught up on this one “verse” and think that one of us was a piece of dirt. But I doubt that will be the case… I think they will marvel over our relationship especially as they read how the story continues to unfold.

Well, I am tired…I hope to write about my career choices in the near future. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go post this on my blog.

“What are you doing babe?” jifa
“Feeding the girls dinner.” Kim
“What are they having?” jifa
“Granola bars and cookie crisps” Kim

“The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him.” –G.K.Chesterton

much better…but not all of the way better. I ate two eggos this morning for breakfast but haven’t really eaten anything since because my stomach has been iffy. But, definitely, not as bad as yesterday. Last night was rough though, I kept having hot and cold episodes…I’d be soooo hot one minute and then FREEZING and shivering uncontrollably the next. Whenever I’d be freezing I’d snuggle up to your back as much as I could (because you’re always so naturally warm) but kept hoping I wouldn’t wake you up with my shivers. I was really weak and achy when Skyla woke up at 8 this morning (which is why I ate the eggos) but I’ve gotten progressively better throughout the day. I’ve just tried to take it easy…and up until a few minutes ago the girls have been angels. Azure’s having a melt down right now and is in time out in her room. How’s your day been?

“What’s the liquid load for today?” COMMANDER

LESSON: ability to inspect and disect instantly.