I got it…I know what degree I’m going to focus on. I’m not sure where it will lead me but what I am sure about is that this is the answer I have been seeking…it is the first step in a journey where at the present moment only God can see the destination. He will fill in the blanks as I press forward in faith. I will earn a degree in ENGLISH!!! Wow…I could cry just saying/writing/thinking that…it’s so clear…the fog has dissipated and I can “see things as they really are”. It is so obvious to me right now that I could smack myself for not even considering it. I was too focused on searching out a ‘vocationally oriented degree’. I was too interested in the bottom line… I would ask myself “What job can I get with (X) degree and what is the financial payoff?”

That is the WRONG solution for me and that is why I could not draw a conclusion sufficient enough to move me to action.

Another WRONG solution for me was considering degrees that would build upon my weaknesses. For some reason I had a false impression that if I didn’t get a degree in something that I am weak at ***mathematics*** (for example), then my educational pursuits would be a waste. In the back of my mind I would ask, “If I am already above average in field X, then why dish out all those tuition fees if I can simply improve upon field X in my own time?” Obviously a foolish question, but it existed.

On the flip side, if I earn a degree in mathematics (which is not beyond the realm of possibility) I would be less fulfilled because I would be “forcing love”. In the game of chess a knight is strong for being a knight…a bishop for being a bishop…a pawn for being a pawn and so forth. If they try to play each others role then the game would not function. The beautiful intricacy and tension between squares and pieces would be void. So it is in life. Our part in society is best served when we abide by the rules which govern the chess piece that we were MEANT to be ~ metaphorically speaking of course.

I have ALWAYS known who and what I am. I have also known what I am not. I am not a cop a doctor or a lawyer. I am not a scientist or an athlete. My struggle has been taking what I am and trying to determine what field best represents that. I am not opposed to serving in the aforementioned capacities and some of those are real possibilities while serving in the military. My point is that I need to aim at something beyond the horizon. And while I have always aimed at that, I didn’t quite know how to go about it. I still don’t know ALL the answers but I do know the NEXT answer. I DO know the first step and I received it from HEAVEN. The answer has always been there but the Lord was merciful enough to let me see it.

There are many more thoughts regarding the specifics of the degree and what I can do with it along with how and can couple it with my other passions and talents. This must suffice for now as I am at work and need to get back to the present tasks at hand.

I appreciate my good friends and family members who have prayed for me in this matter and have offered good advice. I am especially thankful for a special wife who was/is patient enough to watch me from the sidelines and let me figure this out for myself. So often I wanted her to say “BE A (insert profession here)” and I would have gone to the moon and back at her command. I would have become whatever she asked me to be. I would have been the best at it too, if only she asked. Nevertheless, she knew that there is something specific for me and her desires may have crippled a heavenly designed future. She knew that this could only be discovered by praying with full purpose of heart and by waiting patiently upon the Lord. Thank you Kim for letting me do this! What a rewarding struggle this has been!